April 2023
Yesterday was a roller coaster day. So excited to have five full days of kid free time, they get picked up at 5pm every Wednesday. We’ve gotten into a good groove of the parenting schedule, a 5-2-2-5. Tonight my ex starts the first 5 days of kids (Wednesday-Monday), then Monday-Wednesday is my 2, then Wednesday-Friday is his 2, then it’s my 5 day stretch with kids (Friday-Wednesday). Just in case you were wondering how that works…. Anyway, yesterday afternoon a woman reached out to me on FB Messenger to inquire about my one and only “real” ex boyfriend post divorce, Jack. It’s a long and confidential story how all of us women are connected in vetting the men we date, and she saw from a previous post that I knew Jack.
The story of Jack is so you-can’t-make-this-shit-up kind of fucked up love story. Which requires a bit of history. Back in February 2022 Jack and I met for a coffee date. Me = fresh on the dating scene and 100% clueless, Jack = an Appleton, WI resident in town for work, a seasoned narcissist and professional bull-shitter. This is going to be great. Of course I didn’t know these things when he and I met for coffee. Jack had me fooled completely, me buying all the shit he was selling. And he was cute, charismatic, goofy, smart, and kind. So my blinders were up from the get-go. Long love story short, the details for another time, we dated long distance for 7 months, I ended up finding out so much of it was lies, and I was devastated, crushed beyond anything I thought I could feel.
Back to the woman, let’s call her Mari, that reached out to me. She messages me, “I see you dated Jack, are there any red flags I need to be aware of?” Ummmmm girl, the flags are so big I cannot describe them in FB Messenger. She then asks if it would be easier to talk on the phone and I agreed to that. After a quick pre-meeting with my boss/bestie on how to proceed, we make a game plan. I’m going to preface the conversation with “These are the things I wish I would have known about Jack.” So she calls me right on time, and explains they have been on one date and he seems to good to be true. Been there! But actually on the first date I wasn’t 100% sold, it was after the second “date” he had me hooked–also a juicy story for another time. I agreed with Mari, that yes he does have a lot of positive traits, see list above. AND here are all the other things he did to me: Lied about his marital status, lied about his last name, lied about his citizenship, lied about where he lives, lied about his firefighting career, lied about a knee surgery’, lied about the other women he was also seeing. And that is just the beginning.
So girl, take it or leave it, do with it what you choose. Mari was very appreciative of the information and was compassionate when I started crying TWICE during our 30 minute phone convo. I am not sure what she will do, my guess is she will see him again, even knowing he has a shady past (he has that effect), and see how it goes. And she could very well be the next victim. That is the information I wish someone would have told me.
My emotions were everywhere, I cried all the way home from work, like the deep can’t breath type of cry. After getting an iced coffee and a few deep breaths I pulled myself back together enough to go home to my kids and help get them ready for dad’s house. When I was saying goodbye to them I cried. When I was on my way to an AA meeting I cried. At the meeting I cried. And on the way home I cried. And I’m crying as I write this. Why does he have the power to make me feel so deeply? I am working on this. So many things to keep working on….
My AA meeting was exactly what I needed. And a good friend to confide in. Those were the things that saved me yesterday, and I am grateful.