March 2023
I’m totally guessing at the date numbers, just a good guestimate to show you where I am at in the dating life cycle. Dates #1-30 were getting the lay of the land, understanding how all this works, figuring out expectations and boundaries. Within this time frame are many, many stories, and I will get to them. But today I am thinking about dating two people at the same time…
So Lukas has been in the Bumble messages for MONTHS, and hard to nail down a plan with. But we finally did, and I think we really like each other, now that it’s been 5 dates I think? All with lots of time and space in between. This boy is eight years younger than me, never married, no kids, solid career. Then there’s Tommy from Hinge, a year older than me, has four children ages 12-college age, divorced for 10 years, and a decent career that he seems to to enjoy. Also approximately 5 dates, but in a very short period of time, and overlapping with Luke.
So I had this feeling in my gut I needed to clarify to Tommy that I was seeing other people also, the pressure to move fast was a little overwhelming. I had that awkward conversation on date #5, sitting on my couch. My dating and personal goals include direct, clear, and kind communication, so I was trying really hard to do all three. Tommy didn’t love this conversation, but damn I was proud of myself for putting in out there, my wants and needs and letting go of it from there. He was a little upset, but not crazy upset.
Fast forward a few days and I get a final text saying “you’re a jerk” with a middle finger emoji. What? The Monday following out date 5 (Sunday night) he texted me at 10:46pm, I didn’t respond until the morning. He then sent a text saying I’m ghosting him, to which I reminded him that when someone responds to a text they are not ghosting you. Then another one saying “I guess I was right.”. The the next day the final jerk-middle finger pic. I went off on him a little saying I was not going to engage in these mind games, goodbye. Two days later, I guess his phone allowed the texts I had sent to go through, so he got them all at once and realized what had happened. He had been texting me, thinking I wasn’t responding, then having a temper tantrum. Then realized I had in fact NOT ghosted him.
I do understand this was a tech glitch, and both of use were confused as to what was happening. But the fact that he sent the middle finger was enough for me to say “no thanks.” He is still texting about his phone not working, how are you, have a good day, but you know what? I’m over all that shit.
When I was in a conundrum about what to do with these two, I told myself the Universe would sort it all out for me. The only thing I need to do was the next right thing. Which I did with open and honest communication. And it all worked out, without me having to spend any more time worrying about it.
And BTW Lukas and I are still talking, but we only see each other once a week max, so I don’t feel any pressure to have the “are we exclusive” convo quite yet, as I’m assuming he is still dating others also. If he was giving off LTR vibes with intense amount of communication and plan making, then I’d go there. But he’s not, and I’ll take that as a win in this crazy adventure in dating. So onward, with as many dates as you like–for both of us!